"Don't worry a guy who's not intimidated by your fabulousity will come around"

Long before I called Mother and told her I was ready to come home, she'd been luring me back to Nigeria by talking about all the amazing eligible bachelors in Lagos waiting to sweep me off my feet. This, of course, was not the reason I decided to move back. Oh, puh-lease, I coulda had whatever man I wanted in the US; I just didn't bother myself with petty things like ... dating/relationships. I moved back solely because I was interested in the career opportunities available for a young female Electrical Engineer, in Nigeria. *clears throat*. Now though, I think that because my job doesn't occupy enough of my time, I've been 'reflecting' and come to the realization that ... Mama lied! Ok, well not really; She didn't have the full picture. Plus, she's VERY happily married, and has been since last century; what would she know about the present 'dating industry'?

Anyway, I've been a bonafide Lagosian for the last 20 months, and I'm still waiting to be swept off my feet. I am not saying that this is the experience of all those who have moved back, but a good number of my 'returnee' friends are still single. I've been trying to understand the situation - there are many grey areas.

Initially, it was solely my fault - I wasn't getting out enough, not meeting enough people, not wearing enough makeup, always wearing flats instead of heels, not paying enough attention to my appearance, etc. The most shocking of these my alleged faults was that I always 'flaunted' my intelligence, and spoke proudly of my academic/professional/career achievements and aspirations. What?! That's a bad thing?! "Yes dear", replied an auntie on one occasion, "you're too manly - proud electrical engineer, with too many career expectations. Nice, responsible, deserving men would be intimidated and would stay away. They would feel like you don't need them". Oh, excuuuse me! So, what's a girl supposed to do? Play dumb because it'd make a man more comfortable. No, thank you. It's not that serious. (I resent that bit about being manly though - has she seen my jugs?!)

The average marriage age of Nigerian women is increasing. That's not a bad thing, from a feminist's P.O.V., since it's mostly because more women are becoming career oriented, and what not. But, we need to stop giving these phantom reasons for not dating. You are single because that's just what it is - You're single! In fact, you are probably lonely, and sometimes wishing there was someone to call and talk with after a long day, or share that box of pizza with. I don't understand how the woman who's chatting with a friend on her BB-bought-by-Mugu1, with BIS-paid-for-by-Mugu2 can talk about a guy who's intimidated by her successes.

Maybe I need to spend some money and do some 'restructuring' in my closet. I definitely know that I need to get out more. I acknowledge that there are some things with respect to my lifestyle that I can do differently, to 'expose' myself to dating opportunities. I'm just confused about the whole intimidation thing. It's in two parts I.M.O.:

1. I think it's just clear that someone who's not comfortable with a woman's assertive personality (if that is what she has) is obviously not the one for her. Simple.
   
   
   
2. It's an unfair generalization for a woman to say that men don't approach her because they're intimidated. It may be that she has a terrible B.O., for example. *snickers*
   

In preaching equality of the sexes, it also follows, in my understanding, that if a woman doesn't stand to be intimidated by a man's successes, women shouldn't make this a poster-board situation either. I anticipate a lot of disagreement on this issue, because arguments can be made with respect to the man being ordained as the head of the marital relationship, the man's ego, etc. Women don't have egos? They don't have a solid position in the marital relationship?

It may seem like I'm bashing the sisterhood, but we sometimes need to be objective. Yes, there are men who avoid women with more successful careers. There are also women who need to get off their high horses. Makes sense?

(I could use some plantain chips right now...)