"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife."
Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
This is the first sentence of Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen and it pretty much sums up the entire plot. In real terms, the reverse is true. The female characters in the book are concerned with the pursuit and acquisition of “single men in possession of a good fortune”. This was nineteenth-century English society. A single woman's options were quite limited so it would make sense that she would be desperate for a husband that could offer some social advantage.
Isn't it funny that in our own society today, even after the feminist movement, Jane Austen's words still hold true? People are very focused on money. Men have to be be affluent if they ever hope to get married which is why most men have this “I can't get married because I’m not rich” attitude. I am by no means saying that people should not be concerned about finances when looking at a potential life partner but I think people really miss the point of marriage and relationships.
Let's take it out of the context of marriage and talk about the dating scene (boyfriend/girlfriend). I actually feel a little sorry for Nigerian guys. I remember having a conversation with a friend and he was complaining about how he was too broke to afford a girlfriend. I was like "What is this dude talking about?". He went on to explain that there were too many expenses that came with 'toasting' a girl. Money for cinema trips, money for lunch and dinner, money in case she brings her friends, money for fuel to take her on miscellaneous errands and the one that always baffles me...money for her HAIR!
First of all. Who are these women and don't they have jobs? I originally assumed it was just a situation unique to dating a university girl but apparently not. It must be terrible for a brother in this age of 'Brazilian' hair. He's probably looking at spending 77k plus the 3500 it takes to fix the weave. I find it rather unfortunate. Why should my man be saddled with the responsibility of making sure my hair looks hot?
Now on to the car. If you are a Naija guy trying to get a girlfriend and you have no car, my heart goes out to you. Your options are pretty limited. I understand this to a certain extent because of the way Lagos is structured. The transportation system is appalling and getting around is generally frustrating with the traffic and all. Its easier to date a girl if you can pick her up and take her back to her house when your date is over. Ain't nobody tryna get public transport after 10pm! I however do not think that women should use their boyfriend’s car as an on-call taxi service for she and her friends.
So lets say you are dating a girl and you take her out for a meal. It is only in a Nollywood movie that a guy can get away with taking his date to TFC and Mr Biggs. Its going to have to be somewhere swanky and you are paying for the whole shebang...eyah poor you (lol). A guy paying for dinner still makes more sense to me than the hair issue.
I guess the point of all this is simply “Isn't it just polite to offer to pay half the bill when you go out for dinner with a guy?” Or am I the one who is weird? I went out for lunch with a friend last week and although it wasn't a date he paid for the food. Then we got to the cinema and I brought out money to pay for the tickets and he said "what are you doing?!" To which I simply replied "Paying for the tickets". He was impressed that I wanted to pay for something but really, what's there to be impressed by? In my opinion it is just the decent thing to do. Relationships irrespective of whether they are romantic or not should be symbiotic. If the other person insists on paying then fine but it should not be automatically expected. One must not aim to be a ‘taker’ all the time.
Women have more options now and some women earn more money than their male counterparts. I think it gives men permission to treat a woman badly if she is always seen to be asking for financial support especially when you are not even married. Forget about the stay-at-home mom, THAT IS A JOB! But generally if a person is contributing all the money in a marriage then it gives said person the controlling power. Lets say you reach an impasse during a discussion about which school your kid is going to attend or some other important decision, the phrase “Is it your money?’ comes to mind.
Anyway most of these women know there are guys who would never stand for it so they target the mugu who doesn’t mind having a liability on his arm. I think it is pretty selfish for a woman to be dating a guy with the same salary grade and then burden him with the responsibility of paying for everything. If it is an aristo (sugar daddy) situation then yes…I guess that’s what the deal is. I accept that in the Nigerian culture, the man is seen to be the provider and thus responsible for a lot more. A man may feel like he is not a ‘real man’ if his wife is constantly trying to contribute financially. However, some ladies really need to stop taking the piss and pay for your own damn hair!
Please I would really appreciate some feedback on this in case I am the one who needs to get with the programme. Sorry about being MIA for so long.
Disclaimer: To my future husband. You are not allowed to hold this as evidence against me. Your money is OUR money and my money is MY money. I will contribute some and promise not to spend yours on designer handbags. Got it?
Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
This is the first sentence of Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen and it pretty much sums up the entire plot. In real terms, the reverse is true. The female characters in the book are concerned with the pursuit and acquisition of “single men in possession of a good fortune”. This was nineteenth-century English society. A single woman's options were quite limited so it would make sense that she would be desperate for a husband that could offer some social advantage.
Isn't it funny that in our own society today, even after the feminist movement, Jane Austen's words still hold true? People are very focused on money. Men have to be be affluent if they ever hope to get married which is why most men have this “I can't get married because I’m not rich” attitude. I am by no means saying that people should not be concerned about finances when looking at a potential life partner but I think people really miss the point of marriage and relationships.
Let's take it out of the context of marriage and talk about the dating scene (boyfriend/girlfriend). I actually feel a little sorry for Nigerian guys. I remember having a conversation with a friend and he was complaining about how he was too broke to afford a girlfriend. I was like "What is this dude talking about?". He went on to explain that there were too many expenses that came with 'toasting' a girl. Money for cinema trips, money for lunch and dinner, money in case she brings her friends, money for fuel to take her on miscellaneous errands and the one that always baffles me...money for her HAIR!
First of all. Who are these women and don't they have jobs? I originally assumed it was just a situation unique to dating a university girl but apparently not. It must be terrible for a brother in this age of 'Brazilian' hair. He's probably looking at spending 77k plus the 3500 it takes to fix the weave. I find it rather unfortunate. Why should my man be saddled with the responsibility of making sure my hair looks hot?
Now on to the car. If you are a Naija guy trying to get a girlfriend and you have no car, my heart goes out to you. Your options are pretty limited. I understand this to a certain extent because of the way Lagos is structured. The transportation system is appalling and getting around is generally frustrating with the traffic and all. Its easier to date a girl if you can pick her up and take her back to her house when your date is over. Ain't nobody tryna get public transport after 10pm! I however do not think that women should use their boyfriend’s car as an on-call taxi service for she and her friends.
So lets say you are dating a girl and you take her out for a meal. It is only in a Nollywood movie that a guy can get away with taking his date to TFC and Mr Biggs. Its going to have to be somewhere swanky and you are paying for the whole shebang...eyah poor you (lol). A guy paying for dinner still makes more sense to me than the hair issue.
I guess the point of all this is simply “Isn't it just polite to offer to pay half the bill when you go out for dinner with a guy?” Or am I the one who is weird? I went out for lunch with a friend last week and although it wasn't a date he paid for the food. Then we got to the cinema and I brought out money to pay for the tickets and he said "what are you doing?!" To which I simply replied "Paying for the tickets". He was impressed that I wanted to pay for something but really, what's there to be impressed by? In my opinion it is just the decent thing to do. Relationships irrespective of whether they are romantic or not should be symbiotic. If the other person insists on paying then fine but it should not be automatically expected. One must not aim to be a ‘taker’ all the time.
Women have more options now and some women earn more money than their male counterparts. I think it gives men permission to treat a woman badly if she is always seen to be asking for financial support especially when you are not even married. Forget about the stay-at-home mom, THAT IS A JOB! But generally if a person is contributing all the money in a marriage then it gives said person the controlling power. Lets say you reach an impasse during a discussion about which school your kid is going to attend or some other important decision, the phrase “Is it your money?’ comes to mind.
Anyway most of these women know there are guys who would never stand for it so they target the mugu who doesn’t mind having a liability on his arm. I think it is pretty selfish for a woman to be dating a guy with the same salary grade and then burden him with the responsibility of paying for everything. If it is an aristo (sugar daddy) situation then yes…I guess that’s what the deal is. I accept that in the Nigerian culture, the man is seen to be the provider and thus responsible for a lot more. A man may feel like he is not a ‘real man’ if his wife is constantly trying to contribute financially. However, some ladies really need to stop taking the piss and pay for your own damn hair!
Please I would really appreciate some feedback on this in case I am the one who needs to get with the programme. Sorry about being MIA for so long.
Disclaimer: To my future husband. You are not allowed to hold this as evidence against me. Your money is OUR money and my money is MY money. I will contribute some and promise not to spend yours on designer handbags. Got it?
