Prelude
My father and I have developed a rather interesting relationship. For each major step in my life, he always provides advice and balanced, yet convincing, arguments. Decisions on specifics are generally left to me. Each decision I take however needs to be backed with solid reasons based on HARD facts to carry him along. Umm…yea, he’s a lawyer.
As some of you know,“¯I’m a 9ja boy!¯” to the bone <Big ups Eldee>. So it’s always been my intention to return home. “When” was always the issue. Just before graduation in December 2006, I had interviewed with a few companies who were offering all sorts of wonderful packages, but my then-efiko heart was yearning for graduate school. So I shunned them. I mean, my soon-to-be alma mater was offering me free graduate education with research assistant position and I’d been accepted into one of the best graduate engineering schools (hereafter, µBGES) around. What more could a pre-op efiko ask for?
Small problem: µBGES doesn’t start till the fall semester. But alma mater begins right away.
·Act 1, Scene 1 – The Decision
Light bulb! I get an ingenious idea.
Me, thinking: “Why don’t I attend alma mater now and then go start at µBGES in the fall? Costs me nothing to attend alma mater, no?”
ÉI discuss with dad. Dad thinks it’s a decent idea. Note: “decent idea” generally means “I’ll get back to you on that one.”
After three weeks of vacation in New York (# 5 on my Miss List), yours truly begins engineering graduate school at alma mater.
ÉDad calls.
Dad: “My guy, how far na? What about coming to Nigeria for the next six months until it’s time to go to µBGES? I don ‘rrange one joint like that plus like some 3 babes join for you.”
Me: “Ah pops, I don’t really understand Nigerian girls y’know.”
Dad: Small tin. You know say you be Yankee boi na. E go easy. Nuttin do you.
********** CUT! **********
Sorry guys, that’s not really part of the script. Getting carried away here; uh…let’s do this again.
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********** ¸ ACTION! · **********
After three weeks of vacation in New York (# 5 on my Miss List), yours truly begins engineering graduate school at alma mater.
É Dad calls.
Dad: “Hey son, how about coming to Nigeria for the next six or seven months until it’s time to go to µBGES?”
Me: “Okay…that’s new…but what will I be doing there?”
Dad: “Well, I’ve arranged something for you. They should be calling you soon.”
Me: “Umm…I have other ideas. Lemme go think on it and I’ll get back to you.”
Honestly, I don’t want anything more! But I need to prove to him that it is the best option, all factors considered.
I carry out a comprehensive cost/risk analysis of all my options in preparation for my discourse with dad. Indulge me.
Cost vs Risk
1. Accept a job and work Low cost Low risk
2. Stay at alma mater Moderate cost Low risk
3. Return home High cost High risk
*Cost: Cost of travel, settling, fees, bills, etc
Risk: visa/immigration status (always a bitch eh?)
Me: “Look dad, I’ve done all my analyses and clearly, coming to Nigeria is the worst idea based on facts.”
Dad: “True, but I want you to come back and have a look-see. Check out the system. I’ve organized an internship for you at a multi-national where you’ll have firsthand view of the Nigerian business environment. See if it’s something you’d be interested in.”
Me, thinking: “God, after just 1 week of school, the mere fact that I had to sit through another class with even worse efikos (some undergraduate sef) immediately after graduation cantankerously and effectively nullified any elation I had experienced when I collected my B.Sc pali.”
No friends. Everyone has graduated and left respectably.
Apartment-search wahala.
No money for pocket. (As we all know, 9ja parents don’t send money once they hear you’re working. Doesn’t matter whether na $5.15 per hour at 10 hours a week you dey do.)
Me, thinking: “Omo mehn, I’m out! Back to the comfort of round-the-clock food service, driver, little or no expense, major cash inflow from the ‘rents, and just generally flossing. Nice!”
But wait.
Brothers and sisters, did I mention that my father is a lawyer? You HAVE to come correct. Verify and counter-verify contractual agreements before entering them cos mehn… you can be screwed over for your own carelessness.
I made sure I listed like 10,000 concerns, all of which he assuaged. Then:
Me: “OK, so this means you will bear the full cost of my flight, stay and return?”
Dad: “Yes.”
Me: “…and give me a whip to get around?”
Dad: “Yes.”
Me: “…and get me a job?”
Dad: “Yes.”
Me: “…and support me if the money I earn doesn’t cover all?”
Dad: “Uh…yes.”
Me: “…and pay off my credit card debt?”
Dad: “Uh…yea, that’s taking it too far. Na you carry gbese…pay it off yourself!”
Me: “Haha! OK! I’m in!”
a Call the special friend who doesn’t think too highly of the decision.
a Tell a few other buddies.
a Send off parties.
a Move two-thirds of my stuff to the H.
a Pack the remaining one-third in 2 suitcases.
a Kill off phone, water, electricity, etc.
The special friend drives me to DFW for the final goodbyes.
Me: “Hey, you know what? I’ll call you everyday. Plus I’ll be online all the time so we can chat. It’s like an extended vacation! I’ll be back on Aug 6! See my return ticket now.”
…little did I know!
