Haggling!

Oh! What! Joy!

You know what? If I was going to choose 5 favorite things about being in Naija, haggle-able prices would be among the top three. It gives you so much freedom. I hop a cab home from work, every single day. The 15-minute trip is always done against traffic; I don't pay more than N700.00, and that only happens when I'm feeling generous. Do you have any idea how painful it was to sit in traffic in a taxi in Chicago, and watch the fare meter count on, even though the cab had only moved an one mile in 10 minutes? It's rocks to be able to price the taxi.

What I've realized, especially with taxi drivers, is that things are not always as they seem. Taxi drivers, for example, will try to charge you for whatever traffic they may get into after dropping you off, not regarding that you're not in the car with them at the time. Bollocks abi?! My sentiments exactly! I remember a friend of mine, who lives in Ajah and works in VI, telling me about her taxi experiences when she first moved back. She would hail a cab, and the driver would ask her to pay N2,500. She would then smile and ask to pay N2,200 instead, thinking she was getting a bargain. Now, she doesn't pay more than N1,200 and that only happens when she's in a good mood. Lol.

Anyways, here are a few things I've learned:

1. Know the town- be familiar with basic costs, and even when you're not sure, don't let that uncertainty be obvious. The traders will notice it, and use it to their advantage.
   
   
   
2. Consider your options - you think it's cool to shop at Park & Shop, but you have a budget. Well, not all markets are rowdy. Truth is, you can save an average of at least N50 on every item, if you go to Sura/Sandgrouse, instead of SuperMega.
   
   
3. Get a customer - there are a few perks that come with going to the same person all the time. You get discounts even before you ask; you get fi si (extras); and with some items like fresh fish, your customer may spoil you with deliveries :D
   
   
4. Speak vernacular, or at least pidgin - Each word you spray at the trader/taxi driver hikes up your price by like N50. I don't understand the mentality, but an 'assorted' accent somehow translates to having overflowing pockets. It confuses me too, but I make sure to remain on the same 'level' as whoever I'm haggling prices with. It let's them know that I cannot be gbaju-ed (cheated).
   
   
5. Shakara - When you've named your price and it receives some head-shaking, start walking away, slowly but with determination. It lets them know that you have options, and you are ready to use them. More often than not, you will hear "Oya come and take it. I am only doing customer for you o, so you will come back next time", before you walk too far away.
   
   
6. Don't feel bad - This morning, I stopped at the market to pick up some things I needed for tomorrow. I asked the woman for Styrofoam packs, and she said I would pay N1000 for 100 white ones. She was so aggressive. It was obvious that she was anxious to make her first sale of the day, but it didn't feel right - they weren't supposed to be that expensive. I went a few stalls down and found a woman with a wider variety; she told me a pack of 100 blue ones was N700. Just imagine that! The truth is that these people will always try to squeeze a little more than necessary out of your pocket. Even when you ask for a price cut, they've prepared for it - i.e. Wholesale price of a crate of eggs could be as little as N550. The trader then puts on transportation, 'labor', and pain and suffering, and it becomes N700, but she will sell it to you at N800. So, even when you knock the price down to N750, she's still happy.

Happy haggling

Vernacular

My parents always comment that one of the mistakes that they made while raising my siblings and I is that they didn't make Yoruba our first language. (They're trying to repair that now, because we read the Yoruba Bible and Daily Guide every morning at devotion. I must say that it's working).

When I was younger though, so many kids thought it was razz to speak in your mother tongue. Everyone wanted a British accent; and the 'wrist dangle' to go with it.

Fast forward to March 2009 when I was at NYSC camp, everyone spoke Yoruba! (We were at camp in Oyo State). I remember getting into an argument with one naughty girl who want to bump my water pail from the line, and I gave her a piece of my mind - in clean unadultrated Yoruba! I was so proud of myself.

It's very interesting that understanding, and speaking, the native language of wherever you're at is rather necessary for progress. I remember a friend of mine telling me that he wasn't able to rub minds with the important powers, and climb up the ladder, at his pretigious job in Abuja because he didn't speak Hausa very well. I thought he was being delusional till I started noticing it for myself. Some traders at the market in Festac won't be nice to you if you don't speak Igbo. The money changers at Federal Palace Hotel respond to their Hausa speaking customers better. The taxi driver who took me to Festac one day, dropped the attitude and started smiling at me when he heard me speak Yoruba on the phone. (I might have paid N300.00 less if I'd negotiated the price in Yoruba).

I have also heard that when you put your (real) foreign, or an I-have-hot-yam-in-my-mouth, accent foot forward, it's very likely that people turn their noses up at your because they believe you're being pretentious and rubbing your traveller self (or foreign movie watcher self, depending on where you gained your funny accent from), in their faces.

I can't say that it is fair that people are responded to based on how they sound. I just think it' interesting that as much as we want to sound like the foreigners, it's how well we know our own local languages that counts. I have a friend whose accent is British, laced with American, and they're both genuine. (Lol). He raps Yoruba sharply too. It's real sexy.

Spoling the American name...

Ok, maybe not just the American name but the Western name in general.

I was out at a Salsa joint with a few friends the other day, and we came across this babe who was dancing in a baby doll dress that did the Marilyn Monroe each time she twirled. Underneath, she wasn't wearing anything but black draws...

Someone passed a comment about it, and another person responded: "free her jo, it's because of where she's coming from. She's lived in the U.S. for a while." I did the double-blink like w.t.f? I don't know anything about the underwear dancer, but I've heard her speak before and her Nigerian accent is more serious than mine (and we all know that mine is rather serious too). Plus, I know people who have definitely lived in America longer than she has, and they don't go around showing their underwear.

Yes, we know that the American environment is more liberal, but don't go blaming your nudist tendencies on where you're coming from! That's just ludicrous. Why do we have to blame the Western world for all immorality? A wise man has said: 'we all have our demons; how well do you hide yours?' The truth is that every person has the tendency to be evil/immoral/lawless/etc. It all depends on how well you 'curb your enthusiasm'. I guess I should also say that's it's true that the free societies of the Western World allow you to express your tendencies without being judged.

Draws are a product of the West, I believe, and even they call them underwear. People need to learn to call a spade, "spade", and take responsibilities for the decisions they make. When she stepped out of her house that day, she knew she was going to dance, and she knew that Salsa would involve twirling and twirling would involve rising of babydoll dress; yet she gave herself a wink in the mirror and stepped out. Not because Obama told her to go out without leggings, but because she felt like it. There are days I've had peek-a-boo bra incidents; I can assure you that it's not because I lived in America, but because I didn't feel like wearing another layer of clothing, i.e. camisole, because of the heat.

I'm sure that some Americans will be offended by that 'because she lived in America' statement.

Just my 2 Kobo.

Good morning.

"Why do you talk like that?!"

I'm wondering if anyone else has noticed that people are really sensitive about accents in Naija? Recently, I've heard a lot of bitching about Nigerians who have picked up different accents as a result of living abroad for some years. They freaking want to bite your head off for pronouncing a word in a different way than they would.

It is generally believed that if a person is over the age of 15 when they move abroad, they have no business talking with a foreign accent. I agree with this to an extent. For seven years, my accent was British in the presence of British people and Nigerian or something ''neutral' sounding to my fellow Nigerians. This happened because when I started at my boarding school (aged 17), I was constantly being asked to repeat myself to the point where I just preferred not to continue with the conversation. It was really frustrating because my accent was never that strong in the first place (It was that QC girl shakara kind of accent, you know the one. Lol!). Anyway, I eventually gave in and decided to try talking differently and that is how I ended up with the accent. By the time I was in Uni, non-Nigerians assumed I was British until I told them otherwise.

Since moving back to Lagos, I made a conscious effort to lose the accent.....it has been tucked away in the closet. But like a lot of other folks who studied abroad, my Nigerian accent is very 'Affected' but it is still a Nigerian accent! I've just been used to talking and pronouncing things in a certain way. People get really mad like you're doing it on purpose because you think you're better than them. NOT TRUE! It's just a habit. I know there are some people who talk that way on purpose (you'll find out that they probably spent only 2 months away, lol!). Don't even get me started on those radio DJs...cool FM and co! It can be so exhausting listening to their fake sounding accents!

I think it's just a psychological thing. Most young people just want to fit in with the people around them not because they think another accent is cooler or better than theirs. Most people are not even aware that they are doing it. I know a Naija guy who studied in Ghana and now has a Ghanaian accent. You CANNOT convince me that anybody would be trying to talk with a Ghanaian accent on purpose (No offense to my Ghanaian brothers and sisters :-).

So now that I have explained it, I hope y'all are cool