Do Something!

I just saw photos from my friend's Spring Break trip from Urbana-Champaign, IL to her home country of Sierra Leone. She took home some supplies for kids in a school there. You should see the looks on their faces. (http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.730300561664.2121171.200304693&type=1).

I know people who come home on holiday to spend money and show that they have 'hammered'; yet they'll be first to ridicule the Nigerian Government and blame them for poverty in this country. I am not a government advocate, just a simple citizen who believes that sometimes, 'even a sick man has to scratch his back by himself'.

While we are praying for Nigeria to be better, let's play our part and help out where we can. Join a Charity Organization (for e.g. http://www.facebook.com/thisishowwedoNG), donate to your alma mater, help provide mosquito nets for a small community, volunteer your services at after school programs, be a mentor and continue to fight against corruption and pray for peace in Nigeria.

So Help Us God!

Tips for Lagos Living.

Here are a few tips that have helped me, one small way or another, to survive in Lagos. It's been two years since I moved back, so I guess I have been well schooled. I'm still learning sha. I figure these may be useful to a potential move-back-er too. Also, feel free to add your own tips in the comments section.

1. D.I.Y (Do It Yourself): The average Nigerian is looking for a JJC (Johnny Just Come - if you didn't know this, you need a proper Naija-fication) to take advantage of. And you know we like forming, especially when we have small money - you change jobs from an Okokomaiko-located one, to a VI-located one, and we won't hear word again. All of a sudden, Mama-Put disappears from your dictionary. Lol. (Don't mean to diss you if Okoko is your hood, consider it a figure of speech :D). Anyways, my point is, you can save a lot of money by doing some things yourself or making cheaper decisions. No one is going to stop talking to you because you were on an okada. In fact, the person that stops talking to you because you have an okada 'customer' is a goat. What I am saying is, bring your lunch from home once in a while (I went to drink/eat(?) some watery peppersoup at one upscale restaurant that other day for N1,500.00. My friend paid, but SMH). Buy your own relaxer and hair extensions at the market before going to the salon; the salon owners add shop rent and transport money to the one you buy from them. The examples are endless; I'm sure you get the gist. You are allowed to get a driver sha, just be sure to pay him well.
2. Lose the accent, Embrace razzness: Area boys can smell ajebota from miles away. A friend of mine suggested practising razzness in front of the mirror everyday. People will take advantage of you when you show them that you're 'not from around here'. Don't be alarmed though if you find out that people become spawns of Patrick Obahiagbon when you tell them that you studied abroad - "Why have you refused to remove the currency from where it is being trampled upon?" Na 50 pa wey dey ground Oh. D tin don tear sef. i con tink an tink an sey wetin bros e de Obahiagbon about? (Eko no dey carry last. Lol. In the words of the owner of this blog: Don't. Waste. English.)
3. Plan for more than one source of income: A side hustle, a small business venture, a mutual fund, an investment;  whatever it is sha, make sure it's legal. Companies are somewhat unstable in the Nigerian society. Many people are complaining that their companies don't have money to pay salaries. While this doesn't happen across the board, a safety blanket is NEVER a bad thing.
4. Bring a little of your old life into your new life: a). Clothes, Shoes, etc - except you are not a Primark/Old Navy/Outlet Mall shopper like me, and you don't mind spending N 30,000.00 ($200 or £120) on a good pair of jeans (There are cheaper alternatives, have no fear); b) Your favorite appliances - blender, hair styling equipment, etc; c)A Fall jacket/pullover, Hamarttan dey get as e be for these zones o. In fact, if you will be in the North, just bring your Winter coat. There must be at least one Nigerian car-shipper in your area. Depending on how much time you have, you can send the things you won't need for a while through them. It's not an Under-G arrangement, some of them run actual shipping outfits, so it's legit.
5. Start job-hunting before you move back: Connections rule Nigeria; use the ones you have. Recruiters tell you that they make selections based on merit, but don't be surprised to find out that the person sitting next to you in the interview hall didn't even write the pre-selection test; Her uncle's best-man is the second-cousin to the niece of the GM's PA. When you get in, you will do everything in your power to show your employer that even if you wrote the test, they would have selected you.
6. Bring your boyfriend: Guys need not worry about bringing their girlfriends. The market is already more competitive than it should be. If you bring her here and you don't marry her, you don cause wahala be dat.
7. Each day, ask God for more patience than He gave you the day before, you'll need all the patience you can come across. If your blood too dey hot, Naija go make you hug transformer. 

I hope that with these few points of mine, I have been able to convince you and not to confuse you, that farming is better than brick-laying. Thank you. (Key in 'skirt-brush curtsey')


:D!

Traffic Woes (2)

Time, t = 5mins

1. STOP!!! Didn't you see the No U-Turn sign? I said STOP! We will puncture your tire o.
2. GBAO!!! Where did that car come from?! I was only trying to dodge this LASTMA drama. Drat!

Time, t = 18mins

 None of the LASTMA officials has gone to help out with the accident yet. There's 'no money' in that situation. However, 'jay-walkers' have been 'captured'. (The pedestrian bridge is nowhere in sight, by the way.)

Time, t = 45mins

Accident 'victims' haven't resolved the situation yet because party at fault is a youth corper who does not have Vehicle Insurance. Spot one uninterested LASTMA official.

"Worry a little - A guy who's not intimidated by your fabulousity is one in a million..."

Ignore the title, it's not a rebuff of Isha's post - it's a fine-tuning . Isha, I feel you and agree with you for the most part. Some of my views are slightly different though. I wish I had time to really expound this post as much as I want to, but I need to post in time or never. :D Plus, I just realized that in 20 days, it'll be a YEAR since my last post! Can't let that atrocity happen!

PREAMBLE

So I just had this same discussion with someone last night. Her problem was Yoruba guys and how they want someone who will cower in their presence, who is nothing without them...y'know the whole OLORI-ORI (literally, owner of my head, my crown) me thing. She's right - for all Nigerians really. At least, as far as today's society goes.

Simple facts of life in today's world (particularly Nigeria):

1. Men are to be bread-winners. Men are wired to be a cover, a provider. That's why society says to the jobless man, "How will you take care of your wife?" It shakes its head in disapproval when the woman's taking care of the family (in the presence of a man).

2. Women "look up," men "look down." Men and women of the same age are offset. It's rooted in this fact: women develop faster than men - phsychologically, physiologically, socially and mentally. That's why many women marry older guys and many men marry younger women.

3. Per society, between a man and a woman, leadership in these developmental traits generally come with educational/material leadership. Consequently, a woman who's done her masters (in one HARD major) and is earning a high paying job is considered to have achieved a LOT more than a man of the same status. It's just what it is.

I assume y'all would agree with the facts.

THE KOKO

It's important to note that the whole intimidation thing really depends on the kind of guy. The ones you don't want (like the gold-diggerish one or the super-rich-just-want-you-for-pleasure one) obviously won't really send your achievements.

But we're talking about the one that you want. There are a few guys that have learnt not to be intimidated, but they're few and far between. Like Isha said, if you're objective enough, it's easy to see how the kind of guy you'd want to approach you is likely to be intimidated especially if he thinks you stack up too well against him - whether you agree or not.

For you, he's successful enough for you to be interested in him. In fact, chances are you believe he has the capacity to outperform his present self...and you...and that's part of why you like him.

For him, he's not successful enough to keep that interest or give you the life he wants for you. He also fears you'll be carried away by the 100 "more eligible" guys that are always blazing your phone.

For his own sake, he just needs to be able to impress you, afford to take you out or at the very least feel needed by you (financial or otherwise). Because that's how he's wired.

PEP

With all this said, I don't think it's so much about whether a woman is super-educated or she's making mad dough. I think it's more about the way she handles those things and carries herself.

So if you keep meeting guys who are intimidated by your significant achievements, you will definitely have to find a way to ensure they're not so all-up-in-his-face that he's too intimidated to come talk to/ hang out with you.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying downplay yours, but you NEED to give a brother a confidence boost. "Up-play" his own achievements. Find and magnify his other strengths that you admire. I mean, for many a guy, he must have expended 80% of his confidence to come and talk to you in the first place. LoL!

Obviously, Isha's aunt's carrying it too far to ask that a woman dumb-down. In fact, that's archaic thought; but she old, so we pardon her. But it's just what guys are. It's just what society is. So if you're super-educated and following that whole American "I'm young, fly, independent, grown, sexy, don't need a man," then be prepared to NOT have a decent man.

All I'm saying is this: In this game of dating/marriage, there are rules. And to be in the game, you MUST play by its rules.

My Next Post: Will address why you should give yourself some time and stop putting unnecessary pressure about single-ninity.

"Don't worry a guy who's not intimidated by your fabulousity will come around"

Long before I called Mother and told her I was ready to come home, she'd been luring me back to Nigeria by talking about all the amazing eligible bachelors in Lagos waiting to sweep me off my feet. This, of course, was not the reason I decided to move back. Oh, puh-lease, I coulda had whatever man I wanted in the US; I just didn't bother myself with petty things like ... dating/relationships. I moved back solely because I was interested in the career opportunities available for a young female Electrical Engineer, in Nigeria. *clears throat*. Now though, I think that because my job doesn't occupy enough of my time, I've been 'reflecting' and come to the realization that ... Mama lied! Ok, well not really; She didn't have the full picture. Plus, she's VERY happily married, and has been since last century; what would she know about the present 'dating industry'?

Anyway, I've been a bonafide Lagosian for the last 20 months, and I'm still waiting to be swept off my feet. I am not saying that this is the experience of all those who have moved back, but a good number of my 'returnee' friends are still single. I've been trying to understand the situation - there are many grey areas.

Initially, it was solely my fault - I wasn't getting out enough, not meeting enough people, not wearing enough makeup, always wearing flats instead of heels, not paying enough attention to my appearance, etc. The most shocking of these my alleged faults was that I always 'flaunted' my intelligence, and spoke proudly of my academic/professional/career achievements and aspirations. What?! That's a bad thing?! "Yes dear", replied an auntie on one occasion, "you're too manly - proud electrical engineer, with too many career expectations. Nice, responsible, deserving men would be intimidated and would stay away. They would feel like you don't need them". Oh, excuuuse me! So, what's a girl supposed to do? Play dumb because it'd make a man more comfortable. No, thank you. It's not that serious. (I resent that bit about being manly though - has she seen my jugs?!)

The average marriage age of Nigerian women is increasing. That's not a bad thing, from a feminist's P.O.V., since it's mostly because more women are becoming career oriented, and what not. But, we need to stop giving these phantom reasons for not dating. You are single because that's just what it is - You're single! In fact, you are probably lonely, and sometimes wishing there was someone to call and talk with after a long day, or share that box of pizza with. I don't understand how the woman who's chatting with a friend on her BB-bought-by-Mugu1, with BIS-paid-for-by-Mugu2 can talk about a guy who's intimidated by her successes.

Maybe I need to spend some money and do some 'restructuring' in my closet. I definitely know that I need to get out more. I acknowledge that there are some things with respect to my lifestyle that I can do differently, to 'expose' myself to dating opportunities. I'm just confused about the whole intimidation thing. It's in two parts I.M.O.:

1. I think it's just clear that someone who's not comfortable with a woman's assertive personality (if that is what she has) is obviously not the one for her. Simple.
   
   
   
2. It's an unfair generalization for a woman to say that men don't approach her because they're intimidated. It may be that she has a terrible B.O., for example. *snickers*
   

In preaching equality of the sexes, it also follows, in my understanding, that if a woman doesn't stand to be intimidated by a man's successes, women shouldn't make this a poster-board situation either. I anticipate a lot of disagreement on this issue, because arguments can be made with respect to the man being ordained as the head of the marital relationship, the man's ego, etc. Women don't have egos? They don't have a solid position in the marital relationship?

It may seem like I'm bashing the sisterhood, but we sometimes need to be objective. Yes, there are men who avoid women with more successful careers. There are also women who need to get off their high horses. Makes sense?

(I could use some plantain chips right now...)

This Is Lagos - Part 1

There are a few things you can't not know about, or experience in Lagos:

1. Heavy Traffic: We can never say enough about Lagos traffic. One of the radio stations here asks commuters to call in during rush hour and describe the traffic situation wherever they are. There are different grades: a) 'Bumper to Bumper'. b) 'This go-slow tie wrapper o'. c) (There's also something else that involves witches that I don't quite remember). Anyways, go-slow gat Lagos like white on rice. Now, some may argue that I don't really have a say in traffic discussions, because I live in VI, work in Dolphin, and I'm always going against traffic. Still, I write on behalf of people who have to travel between Magodo and VI, or Ajah and Surulere daily. Not fun. And you may not always 'see' the reason for the hold-up. I think people just plan from home that they''ll drive slowly until they get to one off-ramp, and then pick up the pace after that spot. Oh, and tell me why people don't use their brains when they're driving?! We're on a 2-lane road yeah? One going, one coming. Someone please explain to me why I'll now see people forming a third lane in the middle!!! I mean, I can't blame them, those of us who are 'queueing up' are obviously stupid and don't have a life ambition. Do they not know that both lanes would still have to merge into one??!! Nigerian road users have taught me that common sense is NOT common.



2. Iya Basira: I'm assuming you know the song that goes by this title. If not, take a break, listen/watch here, and then come back (Ok, the video is not fantastic, but you get the gist). One thing I love about Nigeria is that a man who says he can't get anything to eat is definitely not trying. You can get a deliciously satisfying meal of Jollof Rice, Dodo, a cube-sized piece of meat, and a bag of pure water for N100.00. You may be posh and not be the pure water type; you can upgrade. See, I used to think myself posh, and would stop at one of the upscale eateries on Adeola Odeku Street in VI, for a sandwich, everyday. The chicken-slapped-on-two-slices-of-bread-with-tomatoes-lettuce-and-'special'-mayo, started out at N380. I would fill-up with a huge flask of tea and tell myself I had a good breakfast. When it was increased to N420, I told myself it wasn't too bad a price hike, besides that sandwich is the truth. The first time I paid N500 for that thing, was the last time I ate it. It's not like I didn't eat the oh-so-satisfying N50 Agege bread at camp. (I need to stop lying to myself that I'm posh). I understand that with buka situations, people complain about cleanliness of the food, serving areas, servers, etc. You just have to 'survey the land', and make sure you're not eating idoti with your food. I was ordering a piece of chicken at a so-called posh eatery on Akin Adesola Street in VI, when I spied the server licking the mouth of the salad dressing bottle after serving someone from it. Of course, I yelled at him. There goes your clean upscale restaurant. Imagine how many times he's done that crap. And to think I used to order their salad all the time. Maybe that's why I'm not as slim as I'd like - saliva-spiced salad dressing.



3. Area Boys: I grew up in Festac Town, Lagos. During my nursery school years, the school bus picked me from the front of my house and dropped me at the same spot everyday. There was a playground right in front of my house. We went on strolls in the evenings. We did our shopping at Tejuoso market, which was really good then, from what I'm made to understand. I didn't know what the words 'area boy' meant. I lived a suburban life. I remember one time (I was 5 or 6) when my Grandma got us excited about going to the Bar Beach. We tried on our beach shorts, halter tops, and thong sandals everyday, and sang to all our friends about the beach trip we were looking forward to. D-day, Granny drove us to the beach, parked about a mile from the water (Ok, half a mile), and pushed down the locks of the car. We were going to watch the water from the car, because of area boys! I still get mad when I think about it. I never again got to enjoy a beach till I went to Takwa Bay when I was in SS2! Area boys run Lagos. They are the horse trainers at the beach, so you pay them N1000 when you ride the horse. They 'watch' your car when you park at the designated parking spaces of EmberCreek (it doesn't matter that the place hires guards), so you pay them N200. They wash your car windshields even when you don't ask, so you pay them too. In Lagos, monkey/ode/I dey work, baboon dey chop. What baffles me is how they believe they have a right to your money. When the driver picked me up after the salsa class yesterday, the guy who was 'watching' the car (though the driver only got there about 5 minutes before I walked out), called me stingy because I never give them anything. What the ...?! Why don't you find a job punk! Being the nice person that I am, I apologized and said I only had N10.00. He said, 'Oya give me N50'. Obvoiusly, I wasn't communicating.
   
   
   
4. Shopping: I have been decongesting my wardrobe without recongesting. Now, I don't have clothes to wear to work anymore. I can't go to Lagos stores to buy clothes, because I still convert prices on clothes tags to their dollar equivalents when I want to shop. NOTHING will make me pay N15, 000/$100 for a blouse, except I don't plan to wear anything else with it. So, I really haven't done any shopping since I moved back. On my 'New' list I have: 6 pair of shoes, 1 polo shirt, 1 blouse and 1 freakum-dress. Finish. I need to fix that, because... Let's just say I need new clothes. I was recently introduced to the upscale part of Balogun market where you can be sure that the clothes you're buying haven't been worn before. There are also those people who bring stuff in from Yankee and Jand when they travel though. You'll see them lugging suitcases in the trunks of their cars. They help a lot, and they're not very expensive. Another trick - regularly find yourself some very good material, and a very good tailor (all the best with that), and customize your wardrobe with TailorLoRan designs.